Daddy’s corner – “First time holding an angel” 7/13/13

The resilience of this little girl still astounds me. Although she may fuss and whine at times, she continues to develop in ways that changes my perception of what strength happens to be. Persevere over impossibilities by sheer definition is Olivia. On another note, I have come to notice that each day I am assigned a new “task” for Olivia. Gone are the days of “daddy, you can take the temperature now” while transitioning to “ok daddy, lift the baby, support the neck, hold her literal life in YOUR VERY HANDS...” The weight of responsibility of being a supportive father forces me to consider my actions circumspectly. If I am not careful, paranoia will prevent me from making challenging decisions in Olivia’s life. That is to say, at some point I will need her to experience failure, the inevitable learning curve. Along with my new responsibilities I was able to hold Olivia in my arms. This is definitely like being hired for custodial work in an organization, then moving to CEO level and organizing the next board room meeting. Needless to say, my hesitation for other responsibilities did not prevent me from seizing this opportunity!

As they prepared her by wrapping the swaddle around her body, I began to experience mixed emotions and thoughts began rushing in like the Atlantic Ocean tide. That is “what is the message that I am gaining from this experience, am I allowing for God to speak to me each day, what else can I do to be a better father?” And then finally the moment came and all the questions, the pondering, theorizing and the like really didn’t matter as much. My bills and the school project really did not matter. Politics and the economic crisis did not matter. Racial division and religion really did not matter. What I wanted to eat later did not matter. My frustration of my own faults did not matter. The career choices that will affect us financially really did not matter. Even questions that I thought were pressing such as being a good parent really did not matter as much. None of it mattered. I just stared at her body, where her feet and hands would be, the breaths coming out of her body, the puff around her eyes and thought “what a marvelous, beautiful little angel.” To say that she is daddy’s little girl would be an understatement.